How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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