apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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