your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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