Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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