these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The air taste purple.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
