We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am available for nakedness
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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