Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
