Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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