I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
