you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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