In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
