I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
