i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need to sanitize my soul.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
