he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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