Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I cut my penus on the lid.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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