Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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