My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
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I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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