I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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