why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
