he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
even my farts smell like vagina
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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