I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
His dick is curly. It's adorable.