he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I deserve this hangover.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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