i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
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he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
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She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.