so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It's Friday. Sex?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.