Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby