Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken

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  (508): you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken http://tfl.nu/rlnm
  Replies (28) Good night (914) Bad night (3028)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?

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  (802): Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever? http://tfl.nu/bljl
  Replies (88) Good night (5781) Bad night (875)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.

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  (609): walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice. http://tfl.nu/elke
  Replies (11) Good night (3778) Bad night (727)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time

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  (248): I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time http://tfl.nu/uesv
  Replies (8) Good night (1223) Bad night (5394)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up

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  (210): I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up http://tfl.nu/dh1d
  Replies (30) Good night (5474) Bad night (1312)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth

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  (206): tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth http://tfl.nu/91m9
  Replies (16) Good night (1624) Bad night (3579)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses

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  (203): Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses http://tfl.nu/2wtf
  Replies (6) Good night (2493) Bad night (959)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?

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  (704): Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night? http://tfl.nu/zhm8
  Replies (6) Good night (936) Bad night (2051)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.

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  (336): I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat. http://tfl.nu/ctm6
  Replies (5) Good night (1852) Bad night (632)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole

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  (631): Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole http://tfl.nu/78ec
  Replies (7) Good night (2974) Bad night (1006)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me

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  (425): i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me http://tfl.nu/5vfc
  Replies (5) Good night (1187) Bad night (613)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.

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  (830): You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations. http://tfl.nu/eber
  Replies (3) Good night (742) Bad night (586)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up

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  (919): Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up http://tfl.nu/pzrf
  Replies (1) Good night (351) Bad night (649)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls

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  (908): Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls http://tfl.nu/2qe0
  Replies (1) Good night (577) Bad night (632)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out

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  (517): Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out http://tfl.nu/rbge
  Replies (2) Good night (713) Bad night (203)

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