I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
