I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
