I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I puked a lego.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
