Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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