Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
