ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
