I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
