There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
