Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
