Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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