hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
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From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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