It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
