i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
