fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
