I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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