At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
