Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
