Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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