Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
