alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize