wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
