so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
