He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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