oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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