We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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