She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
