Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
