Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just high enough for therapy.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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