We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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