I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
