Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
