I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize