i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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