SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
