Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
