when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
