Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
