I accidentally burped into my bong.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
