i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
