I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
